like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
