she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
