why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
