remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
