at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
