It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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