9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?