Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...