oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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