I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...