Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.