Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
