He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
