He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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