I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
