I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
