Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
