I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
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my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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