i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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