he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
