What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
