I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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