I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
