I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
