Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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