My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
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A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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