I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize