It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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