Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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