I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
