i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
