He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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