Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Use "feeling words"
Yay
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
