How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
