I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The air taste purple.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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