so that wasnt chicken after all
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
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when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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