apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
