Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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