I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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