Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
