I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
