Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
