The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
