you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
