she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
