nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
