I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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