You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
