started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
