i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
