Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
