I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
