The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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