Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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