If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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