Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
