Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
