Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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