Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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