My friends, they love my intelligence
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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