he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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