you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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