Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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